Lisa's 21 Day "Do or Die" Challenge Journal

[Lisa Smith]

I just want to preface this by saying I'm a single work-at-home Mom with 3 little boys and am currently pregnant with a little girl who is due in October.  I feel like this is my last ditch effort to finally gain control over this home...regardless of the things going on in my personal life that feel completely out of control.  I owe it to myself and my children!

 

Day 1 (06/08/11) - I sat down this morning with my task of creating my Boost circuit, but unfortunately I brought along my obsessive and perfectionist tendencies.  Long story short, it literally took me half the day to fill out my worksheet.  I had to make sure I included everything and I had to make sure they were in just the right order and blah blah blah.  I can't say that I did my circuit exactly the way I was told to...but I made it work for me with a morning circuit starting with breakfast, an afternoon circuit started by lunch and an evening circuit started by dinner...it was the only way I could make it look doable and not overwhelm myself.

 

Then my second task for the day was to set up my email to filter and label the No Kaos Zone emails.  I thought hah, I don't have to do that.  But then this new voice popped in my head and said "Lisa, your way doesn't work...just do what you're told, no questions asked."  So I did my filter and got all my emails organized.

 

By this time it was late afternoon and I was frustrated with myself because I had wasted most of the day.  But alas, I was determined to not be defeated and I started with my morning circuit.  The one thing that really stayed in my mind while I was working was to work quickly.  So often I work slowly and allow myself to get sidetracked which means I rarely make it through my morning chores, let alone the rest of the day and my weekly work.

 

Something miraculous happened - between sheer determination and giving it everything I had...I completed my entire circuit for the day.  I didn't pay attention to the times I had listed - that can come later.  I also skipped 3 areas of my house that are out of control...but by the time I went to bed that night, my master bedroom, the kid's room, the bathroom, the living room and my kitchen were all picked up and wiped down.  Unbelievable!

[Lisa Smith]

Day 8 (June 15, 2011) - I feel like my life is out of control and I just want to quit.  At this point I'm beyond discouraged and not sure when I'm going to get back on track.  :\

[Jan Ferrante]

Hi Lisa, you have got a lot on your plate!

It isn't always going to go smoothly by any means. It will get better, both as you go along, and naturally as your kids get older, although that is going to take awhile :0) Having older kids has it's perks but the magic is now, so be sure to enjoy it - more some days than others I'm sure. I have found it was in the stolen moments.

My kids are older now and some days I feel the exact same way! I am just lucky to know from experience that it comes in waves and it will get better again, if only for awhile. And only if I continue to try when I can.

The important thing is not that you feel discouraged and like you will never get back on track, that's normal, the important thing is to do what you can - even if it's just a small thing - and not to set impossible standards for yourself. You are not super human although I'm sure it feels like you need to be.

Take some time if you need it , there is nothing wrong with that, and then if you find that you can take 10 minutes to create one tiny clear space, do that. It will make you feel better. (and if you can pick a few flowers, put them in a vase and put it somewhere that you can enjoy it, do that too. Maybe take the kids for a walk to find some if you have somewhere that you can do that. They don't have to be fancy, just pretty :0)

One more thing :0) Try to breathe and enjoy the moment, even if it's a messy moment!

THAT is really what it is all about.

I'm really glad that you posted today, it is a great sign and I am sure that you are going to do fine. It's all about focus and doing what you can. Remember, no one is keeping score, and if they are, it's their game not yours. And if it is yours, try to go easy on yourself :0) Give yourself some bonus points for effort - you really have done fantasic this past week.

[Lisa Smith]

I don't want to give up...I really don't...but it's that idea in my head that's been engraved there since I was small - if it's not perfect, it's not good enough.  I've been told that I sabotage myself on purpose with the idea that if I don't try, I can't fail.  UGH...I'm starting to see it rear its ugly head in my currently relationship too.

 

Well good news is....

 

Day 9 (June 16, 2011) - I gave myself a kick in the butt along with my bad attitude.  I have felt myself sinking into a depression (ex-husband isn't paying child or spousal support and our rent is late - may wind up homeless here soon) and it's manifesting itself in the worst ways.  Sitting on my rear and feeling sorry for myself was not going to fix anything though, so I forced myself to do 5 minutes at a time.  I completed my entire morning circuit except for showering (kind of a mistake, but I was falling behind and didn't want to put off the rest of the day any longer).  I also squeezed in an extra load of laundry (and folded the 2 loads that were just hanging out in/near the dryer) and got all my bulk cooking done for the week (3 lbs of beans and 6 lbs of hamburger).  Dinner got made and now I'm just about to put my boys to sleep so I can at least get the kitchen cleaned back up and I'm just going to sit in the recliner with my feet up (I'm at that point in my pregnancy where my feet and ankles are starting to swell) and work on crocheting a couple of things.  Tomorrow is a new day and I"ll try again.

[Jan Ferrante]

With all that is going on it, I think it's perfectly normal for your emotions to be your largest hurdle - it's got to be natural to have off days.

Since mindset is the foundation, it's good that you are aware and doing your best to deal with it.

I haven't said much about it because it isn't set in stone although for me, I am enjoying my freedom, I seperated from my husband of 20 years at the end of Feb. I've had days of sheer panic and I'm not dealing with half of what you are - I think that you are incredibly strong to be doing so well.

I think that one of the things about keeping up with your BOOST as best you can is the feeling of control that it gives, it was a big thing for me. You need to have that feeling in what ever way you can, but don't let it get you on the days when you can't do it, or can't do as much as you'd like. It happens to everyone, including me!

I did a video on both control and perfection, they are huge and very common issues. I have a lot of problems with my internet connection when I try to upload videos so I don't know if I ever got them loaded. I will check and try my best to get them on the site over the next few days (early mornings seem the best time).

Have a look back over what you posted for yesterday, about all that you were able to accomplish (even on a bad day!) When I was completely overwhelmed, I found that I had to look at what I was able to do to stay sane, I still have those days (quite often!). Focus on that, you are really doing well although it may not seem like it sometimes.

As for not trying so that you can't fail, I have done that too - a lot. I've personally let fear rule my life, this year is my break out year :0) Maybe you can have a look at that a little closer - your fear of not doing things perfectly which I think is a control issue as much as anything else (speaking from my own experience with anxiety and the feeling of having no control in my life).

Do you have any kind of support system, friends or family to help you in any way? That was another issue for me when my kids where young, I would not ask for help. It does bring in other issues but sometimes it is necessary even temporarily.   Is there anything that you can do to get the ball rolling with your ex for the support money, that obviously must be giving you an incredible amount of stress.

[Bex]

oh my gosh.... this post on day 9 sounds so much like me!!  I am a "failing perfectionist" as I call it.... I suffer from depression and the hard thing is I can see my 5 year old has similar thought patterns to me...

 

also... guess what I did this morning.... a HPT...  I got a really faint second line!!  so looks like things just got a whole lot more interesting... I am so happy though because I have been trying for 6 months.

So hang in there...  take it just 5 mins at a time...

would love to hear how you are doing!!!!

[Lisa Smith]

Oh wow, yeah throwing a pregnancy into the mix DEFINITELY makes things interesting :)  CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

 

Let me tell you, I cleaned like crazy when I got my + because I knew it would only be a matter of time before the morning sickness set in.  I had flashbacks of my first 3 pregnancies where I was so sick I just laid on the couch all day throwing up while I had moldy dishes in the sink....ugh.

 

But luckily this time...probably out of sheer necessity, it wasn't as bad and even when I did throw up, I got right back up and got back to my daily routine.  Make sure to get that toilet nice and clean :)

[Jan Ferrante]

Congratulations Bex!!! Tha'ts great news!

[Bex]

thanks!!!

just means I am only doing what I can and stopping when I need!!

 

[Lisa Smith]

I really think I need to start over and go back to Day 1.  Somehow in setting up my Boost, I've obviously set myself up for failure by making it too difficult.  I'm going to take some time now to simplify my routine.

On a side note, I have gotten a few doses of reality lately....seeing other people's homes has made me realize that my home really doesn't look that bad!  :)

[Bex]

good for you in re-assessing..

I think that you should just do a basic "morning" boost by sticking to a simple morning routine and then a simple before bed routine...

I found that I wasnt' getting throug all 10 of my Boost activities... but its because as busy mum's we do our laundry boost like 3-4 times  a day... same with dishes and wiping benches etc.... so you know... make it simpler and just do what needs to be done..

I spent today just clearing out all the books in our house and getting rid of heaps... ready for a garage sale... if you have a goal in mind and make it achievable... you might stick to it more... but yep... Keep it simple!! and daily doable!!

[Jan Ferrante]

Love it Bex! A friend of mine says keep your eye on the pie! Somehow that works for me :0)

[Jan Ferrante]

Hi Lisa, I can reset your emails so that you get them from the beginning again if you would like. Just let me know.

 

I find that when ever I am starting something new that will require new habits and adjustments that I start small and work up. It seems to help. Bex's advice was good - no one HAS to do 10 a day, set it so that it works for you. I don't do 10 every day either, especially lately - but the more often I do at least some, the better it is by far.

As for other people's homes, I've found that using 'tidy homes' as the bar is good to shoot for but comparing yourself and expecting to be able to do the same can be a huge burden that is based on 'unreality' - not saying that organization, self discipline, consistency etc can be a HUGE step up - but many times these people have something in their corner making it possible - sometimes it is a small thing that makes the difference such as a supportive spouse, mother, mother in law, sister etc, putting neatness before happiness for the entire family or simply less responsibilities - you can't judge a book by it's cover or compare yourself to others - use your own progress and what works for you as your bar.

Start small and work up - maybe work towards adding a quadrant per week but don't go beyond what is realistic and adjust for how you are feeling as your due date approaches.

You're making a super effort - you will find your balance, just remember to keep realistic expectations and enjoy what you can - it will make you stronger.